Worse.

 Jason, thank you for coming to the study room today. Appreciate your companion a lot. I was really really not in a very good mood. Thank you for letting me watch all those history that i didnt know about, i was shocked at first, but that make me think how easily one can kill. Life is just so fragile. Very. And of course, thank your oh so sweet puppy love~ hahas. :D Interesting.

Yes, indeed i actually wanted a macbook, but when i see da jie's face when i said i have decided on macbook, my heart pain. I did not like that sad expression you have. So, i change my mind. I decided to get lenovo instead. That time when i was deciding on my laptop, the atmosphere wasnt nice at all. I felt like crying , not over the laptop but over my character. I was happy when da jie say she was proud of me. That was the thing that i have always long to hear from my family members. I was happy. I paid for my own laptop. yes i did. I felt so much better, and then when we had a family high tea, Er jie said things like, aiya that money also not hers, also using mummy nets card to buy one. Always rely on mummy. Of course she happy la. I don't know why when i hear that, yes that, i cannot take  it but cry.  I held on held on and held on, after high tea, my tears burst. DaJie ask me why, i said friends problem. In true fact , no. To me, I want to learn how to grow up. I am already trying my best not rely on my mother anymore. I paid for the laptop, its with my own nets card my own hard earn money. I did not rely on my mother for that. I WANT TO GROW UP. I AM. I DONT WANT TO BE A BURDEN. Everything today, make me feel so stupid so useless sucha burden.

Timothy wang, the reason why i have been so hot tempered this few days is because i sincerely wanted you to give up on me. Poly mates told me that its easy to let a guy give up you, be a bitch , and he'll definitely give up. I am trying to be sucha a bitch already. I DID.. I THINK I AM ONE. I tried so hard , and i failed. Because i love you too much. Too much till even if i die, i dont want you to die along with me. You know how sad that is ? I want you to be still breathing after i die. That's my death wish.


Whenever i see you , my sadness was turned into happiness immediately. 

B&J BFF anyone?

Tuition tuition and more tuition. Practice makes perfect you know. :] Girls, all you need to do now is to concentrate, look at the question, concentrate, find all the many formulas you can think of and SOLVE. :] Don't put my effort to waste okay. No more failing of Emaths. NO MORE, MUST PASS! D: 

YES! AND YES ! Went to eat ice cream with TIMOTHY WANG. :D Worthwhile. His a workaholic not a shopaholic, therefore we wont stay in a shopping center for long. Awww. :P joking. As long as you are around, time pass by super fast. AND I STILL THINK YOU SHOULD SAY HELLO TO CHEEKUEN! :( Who knows, maybe sparkles might happen again between you two. :] If that happens, i'll give you my honest and truthful wishing. :] seriously. 

But , hey ! i'll live as long as i can. :D hahas. I LOVE YOU. 

Swallow anger into happiness.

These week was a meaningful week for me. I've learn to change. I don't flare, i forgive and i forget. I don't know what's wrong with me.But ever since i went to the doctor, my brain went haywire. 

There are many things i have yet to figure out. 

Pasttimes

I'll always remember , how you deliver breakfast by roller blading from your house all the way to lakeside. When you got all that painful blisters on your legs, my heart ache. 

I'll always remember the times when you are always there to pick me up from work. 

I'll always remember, how you took care of me when i'm really very ill.

I'll always remember, how you stood by my side when i needed you.

I'll always remember, how you brought shoes for me to change when my shoes tore.

I'll always remember, how anxious you was when i'm injured or hurt.

I'll always remember, how hurt you was when i ask for a breakup.

I'll always remember how hard you have changed to become stronger.

I'll always remember how you put in so much effort into making a gift for me all though sewing is so hard.

I'll always remember how you try to make me happy whenever i'm sad.

I'll always remember the little cake you bought on my birthday.

I'll always remember the large card with small words that you have given me.

I'll always remember your serious face.

I'll always remember the fierce photoframe that you have given me.

I'll always remember the few times that we nearly break up.

I'll always remember the time when you when shanghai and have sucky connection, but still manage to skype and you still manage to hear my voice. That period of time was bad. But we manage to survive through.

I'll always  remember the times when you are in Australia, net was expensive and how i have ignored you because of my results. Facebook keep us connected. That was a torturous week for me too. 

I'll always remember the 4 letters you have written for me with seashells in it. I was really very touched. And of course your days of diary. It's just so touching for me. Trannies in thailand days. 

I'll always remember the first time you treat me to ice cream.

I'll always remember how happy you was when you saw the " NO, IS HARD TO SAY" . Jumping crazily on my bed. I missed that feeling so much. It's always stuck in my brain.

I'll always remember the first time you confessed, your tomato face. 

I'll always remember the times when  we both cycle and roller blade together. It was fun. :] because it's with you.

I'll always remember running with you, doing all those weird little stretches with you. but i had fun. As  usual , because it's you.

I'll always remember the first time you kissed me. 

I'll always remember the first time you piggyback me.

I'll always remember the first time we held hands.

I'll always remember the times when you sneak out of house just to come for a sleepover at my place. How you sleep so soundly on my bed, while i stop and stare. Twice already huh? Is there anymore? :]

I'll always remember how you get jealous over everything.

I'll always remember how i first saw you eat and think that you look like a mouse.

I'll always remember how you drag me all the way to kfc to meet toky for the first time.

I'll always remember how anxious you was when i didnt answer you call when the first time i was with toky. You really panick. I was really surprised. 

I'll always remember the times when we study together in the study room.

I'll always remember how you appeared on our march babies birthday celebration. You giving that 11 roses and telling me what it means. And giving me that bin. Yes, that moment i felt like crying. hahas.But yea, it's touchy. ~ You really did come. From then on, i decided that i will not let you go. Never. 

I'll always remember how you said the meaning of 11 roses, you were shy and tomatoes came out. That was cute. :] 

There are so many memories, its just come to me all of a sudden. It just come.

I am so lucky to have you. Really, i did not regret and will not regret because to me, you are perfect. :]

I love you.

 

Live.Love.Laugh

A song of love.

Hey dear, just to let you know, whenever you are angry, i'll simply just keep quiet and hug you. Whenever you are sad, i'll just give you a peck on your cheek. Whenever you are happy, i'll share the joy. Whenever you are stress, i'll be your stressball. hahas. SQUEEZE ME all you want. ^^

I'm so glad to have known you. These 9 months of knowing you have been really amazing. Your lame jokes and funny character,  irritates me but still,  i have no idea why i still love you so much. WHY AH?  

Please, learn to treasure your family members. They are the one that are gonna be there for throughout your life not your friends but your family. Teach your brother, love your father and respect your mother. I believe all the small actions done will be seen and appreciated. Why not give it a try? .

It's just a dedication.

Dear brother, i am not as stupid as you think i am. I know how it feels like to be dump by your love one and going for another. It's hard to forget that pain, but you know, as days goes by and when it is the right time, god will let you meet the right girl. :]  I hate it when you always do silly things to cover your sadness.It's sad. Deleting her photos don't work, thats why i choose to keep it. But you still insist, the images are still stuck in your brain, its not fully 'deleted' yet huh ? :/ May you be truly happy again okay? Today was awesome. Nice to be back to the old times in school. Thank you for your star. :] Have a safe trip to Malaysia. :]

Dear chicken, it's not true that people only likes skinny people. You don't have to be skinny to be popular, you just have to be yourself. That's what all friends are looking for. Cutting and having suicidal thoughts doesn't help to solve the problem at all. It's just an excuse for you to run away from all the problems.And it's not that you lack of friends, it's just that you didn't realize your surrounding friends are worried for you, care for you, loves you. Why not put in more effort to realize and appreciate? Love yourself girl.

I have no idea why, i know they won't be reading this, but it kind of hurt me to see people like that. It's bad. :/
Sigh, all my emoing again. *hides in one corner reflects*

End of march start of april.

 

This year march have been quite fruitful to me. Met up with many old friends. Elora, Qin Ping, Kieran, See yin and even Jason phua. It's awesome. It's been 4 years since i met them. Strong friendships will never die. :] I have been trying to make every single day and hours fruitful. So i exercise, i meet up with friends, i catch up with my maths and english, go for classes, giving tuitions, waiting at a bus stop, traveling around, finding new routes,spending time with broccoli, playing my guitar, singing my lungs off, going to a doctor, eating ridiculous medicine, putting on ear drops, nose bleed, ear bleed, throat swollen, nose swollen, gum pain, gastric pain, movie marathon, making chocolates for whites, registration for my new school, register for GCE OLEVEL english, spending lots of money on food, good time with my family on my birthday, did lots of covers with my friends: Venus, Amanda, Xiu Qi, Kieran, Phang phang.:] I'm glad they like the experience of a cover. :] 

Okay, i know i sprouting lots of nonsense here. It's all because i'm really bored. Like super bored. Im still super at this hour. Yea, i have 15 hours of sleep! :X So now im all gaga. How sad. 

April have come, and i start my april by pranking my friends. :] First Weishan than amanda. whose next? 

It'll be an exciting month for me. Where i'm going to have my orientation . Where i get to see my new schoolmates and of course really get used to my new school. And gonna get a new lappy , get to start afresh in a whole new study environment. 

I'm skipping night class next week because of my orientation. I hope it'll be a good one, if not i'll lose hope in this course. Like seriously. Please be a good one. :x Dear new mates, please be nice. :] If you aint nice, i dont know what to do either. I'll be suppaaa terrified i guess?

April april, please be a good month.. Hopefully noone fool me today. :D

I love you dear.