Worse.

 Jason, thank you for coming to the study room today. Appreciate your companion a lot. I was really really not in a very good mood. Thank you for letting me watch all those history that i didnt know about, i was shocked at first, but that make me think how easily one can kill. Life is just so fragile. Very. And of course, thank your oh so sweet puppy love~ hahas. :D Interesting.

Yes, indeed i actually wanted a macbook, but when i see da jie's face when i said i have decided on macbook, my heart pain. I did not like that sad expression you have. So, i change my mind. I decided to get lenovo instead. That time when i was deciding on my laptop, the atmosphere wasnt nice at all. I felt like crying , not over the laptop but over my character. I was happy when da jie say she was proud of me. That was the thing that i have always long to hear from my family members. I was happy. I paid for my own laptop. yes i did. I felt so much better, and then when we had a family high tea, Er jie said things like, aiya that money also not hers, also using mummy nets card to buy one. Always rely on mummy. Of course she happy la. I don't know why when i hear that, yes that, i cannot take  it but cry.  I held on held on and held on, after high tea, my tears burst. DaJie ask me why, i said friends problem. In true fact , no. To me, I want to learn how to grow up. I am already trying my best not rely on my mother anymore. I paid for the laptop, its with my own nets card my own hard earn money. I did not rely on my mother for that. I WANT TO GROW UP. I AM. I DONT WANT TO BE A BURDEN. Everything today, make me feel so stupid so useless sucha burden.

Timothy wang, the reason why i have been so hot tempered this few days is because i sincerely wanted you to give up on me. Poly mates told me that its easy to let a guy give up you, be a bitch , and he'll definitely give up. I am trying to be sucha a bitch already. I DID.. I THINK I AM ONE. I tried so hard , and i failed. Because i love you too much. Too much till even if i die, i dont want you to die along with me. You know how sad that is ? I want you to be still breathing after i die. That's my death wish.


Whenever i see you , my sadness was turned into happiness immediately.